69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
