I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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