I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
