He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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