mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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