4 words: hood of his car
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize