omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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