im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
