You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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