Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
