It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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