and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
