What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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