I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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