if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
