Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
