Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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