i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
