it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
