on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
