i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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