All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Randomize
