I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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