and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
