i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
