Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
