she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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