If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
