Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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