I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
