4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
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