farters have to be the big spoon...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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