I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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