Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
God, I missed his penis.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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