have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
