Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
