We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I FOUND THE LEGS
jump out the window naked night went bad
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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