These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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