Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Randomize
