Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
