Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
