totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
