I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
