I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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