you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
