Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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