My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i came on her dog
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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