ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
