it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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