I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
