If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
