We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize