guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
