With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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