hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
