dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
