The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
