This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
