I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize