I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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