Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
