do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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