i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
