he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Randomize
