You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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