Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
