Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
